Just a Perfect Blendship
by Satan's Sweeties
Summary: Sitting in a holding cell, awaiting her bail to be posted and listening to three idiots argue over something stupid, Lovina realizes she probably needs new friends. Full gender-swap, BFT shenanigans. AU.


_"Lovina, you should probably run."_

_"The hell, Carmen? I still haven't paid for the—hey!"_

_"No time to talk, querida; just run!"_

. . .

Digging herself deeper into the corner, Lovina glared mercilessly at Carmen, continuing to glare daggers at the Spanish teenager while braiding the ends of her hair. "I hate you, you bitch," she said coldly, narrowing her eyes and harrumphing indignantly. "You just _had _to set off fireworks in the parking lot, didn't you? You couldn't have thought for one fucking _minute _that it was a bad idea and maybe you shouldn't do it? The fuck is wrong with you, damn it?"

"Ah, but 'Melia got away with it last week," Carmen replied, stretching her legs out and scratching her cheek absently. "I figured that I could, too!"

Lovina scoffed, muttering, "You need to hang out with new friends, then. Fucking idiots right now are useless to the world…"

Before the other could respond, shouting trailed in from outside the holding cell. "Unhand me this instant, you American buffoon! I demand to be treated with respect! Let go of me! Let go, let go, let go! This is highly unorthodox!"

"Shit, man, watch the hair! It takes a lot of time in the morning to look like I just woke up, ya know. Jeez!"

The cell door was opened and a silver-haired girl was thrown in, landing unceremoniously on her ass before whipping around to scream at the officer in fluent German; the other girl, a snobbish-looking brunette, started prattling off what seemed to be curses in French and smacked the cop's hands away from her, striding into the cell with dignity.

Carmen smiled. "Gillian, Francine! They caught you, too, huh?"

The albino, Gillian, snorted and thumbed in Francine's direction. "Pfft, wouldn't've caught up if little miss fashionista here didn't break a heel. Fucking _told you _to wear sneakers, you Dummkopf."

Looking slightly put-off, Francine fixed her bun and said, "Sneakers are not fashionable, kraut. I am, however. By association, I do _not _own sneakers! And really, I assumed we were going to the store to actually buy clothing, not set off fireworks; you really need to think things through, Gill!"

"Oh, _I _need to think things through? You're the one who'd willingly sleep with anything that moved!"

"Well, I never…!"

"_Amigas_, stop fighting, please!"

"Why should I? So she can take pride in knowing I gave up? Fat chance, Carmen!"

"Yeah, because we all know the French _never _give up."

"Why, you—"

"_Why _the fucking _hell _are you fighting?" Lovina screamed, effectively shutting up all three of the bickering females. The trio looked back at the Italian, who had since stood up and marched over to them with her arms over her chest and a less than pleased expression. "We're all in the same damn cell for who knows how fucking long; let's at least _try _to get along and avoid tearing out internal organs, _okay_?"

Nodding solemnly, none noticed the officer walking in holding the keys. "You four. Your bail's been posted," he said in a monotone voice, unlocking the cell and ushering them out. "Don't let me catch you in here again."

Once outside the precinct, Carmen stretched out her arms and inhaled the fresh air. "It's so nice to finally be out of there! Francine, what do you want to do now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. What about you, Gill?"

The smile that crept across her face left Lovina feeling a little unnerved. "Oh, I have an idea. What do you say, Lovi? You in for some fun and some jackassery?"

Blinking, Lovina alternated her gaze between Gillian's rather creepy smirk, Francine's good-natured smile that still held mischievous undertones, and Carmen's genuinely oblivious grin. Sucking in a breath, she said, flatly, "Fuck this. I'm going home. I'd rather spend time with that potato bitch and _sorella _than get locked up again," before turning around and leaving the Bad Friends Trio in the dust.

Thirty-seven minutes later, she received a text from Carmen that read, "_can u come bail us out plz gills sis louise refuses to do it again_."

She promptly hit 'delete.'

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>For those of you who didn't get it, Carmen is fem!Spain.

I love fucking around with Nyotalia. It's a great deal of fun.

Poor Lovina, though.


End file.
